How to end all your relationships FAST - Minimize, Denigrate, Destroy


Okay, so the title is a bit dramatic, but still true.

When you want to destroy your relationships FAST, there are no better ways than minimize and denigrate.  Destruction of marriages, parent-child relationships, and friendships can be accomplished with a few simple tools used consistently. 

(OKAY..... you totally know that I am really going to talk about the alternatives, right?)   

Minimize - OR - Listen Intently and Understand!

When you MINIMIZE someone else, it means that you use your words to blow them off, with a "Oh, it wasn't THAT bad" or maybe "You just need to lighten up."  The alternative to this destructive habit of minimizing others is to listen intently and understand.  

Why? Because when you minimize someone else's feeling and experiences, you let them know that they are "less than" you.  They are "less than" what you find acceptable or okay.  This is a way to use your words to damage others, and you might not even realize you are doing it.

Parents do it all the time when they blow off the chatter of their children.  Kids can often be spilling out their tiny hearts to us, and yet, we are on auto-pilot and barely respond.  We do this is almost every relationship we have, whether with partners, spouses, friends or siblings. How many times do you respond to people with a cavalier whatever attitude. Maybe you only half listen?

How can you change this? The SECRET is to listen intently and try to understand.  If someone is speaking to you, then they deserve your attention.  Especially if it is someone you say that you love.  SO put down the phone, the tv remote, the forks, and freaking LISTEN to the people around you. 

Practice the art of listening by stopping your auto-response.  Yes, we all have that little brain bot in our minds that is already preparing a response when someone is talking.  We go on auto-pilot and only half listen.  Well, stop.  Forget your response, don't even make or have a response.  Just listen.

AND when they finally stop talking, say back to them, "What I hear you saying is ......."  And then say back to them what you think they mean. This is a way to listen and understand, instead of minimize. 

Denigrate - OR - Accept and Boost 'Em Up!

Often, after we MINIMIZE someone's idea, feelings or experience, we then DENIGRATE them. 

This poisonous use of words is a way to inflict damage on others for being different or thinking different thoughts than your own.  We put them down with personal, snide attacks on who they are. We see this often in politics and religion. Others are denigrated just because they are "other."  Just because someone thinks differently than you, it does NOT mean they are wrong.

4+5=9

3+6=9

See, there are often several ways to get there.  There are several ways to think about something, to believe, to be.  Just because someone you love is different, it does not mean they are wrong.  

How do you get past the nasty habit of denigration? By celebrating the differences!  Accept the people around you, those relationships where someone is different in the way they think, speak, dress or believe....and BOOST EM UP!

Stop seeing interactions as something to quickly get past, like a boring business meeting.  Instead, see each interaction as a possibility to get to know and love someone more. 

Use your words to bless and not to curse.  ALWAYS. 

Destroy - OR - Live Long and Prosper!

The secret to live long and prosper is in maintaining happy relationships. We human animals NEED other human animals.  We need each other. 

We will all rise when we all rise. I know, I know - it sounds simplistic and idealistic.  And I guess that it is. But here is my relationship rule: whatever things are simple, kind, pure, uplifting and positive, think on these things! Talk about these things, practice these things, and your relationships will blossom and your people will know they are loved. 

Minimize, Denigrate, Destroy.  

OR

Listen, Accept, Love, Live Long and Prosper!